The muffled cry for help…

the scars....of numbing pain

Self injury……… this very term bewilders most of us. I have been doing a lot of thinking about this topic since someone very close to me recently confided about their addiction toward s self injury. At first i was shocked and confused as to how can injuring oneself be of any help and was also very pained to see my loved one going through such pain!! I simply couldn’t get the emotions and state of mind behind the decision to  go for such extreme acts. But, a little bit of research and analyzing has made me understand the mental mechanism behind such acts. i gathered that it is nothing but a coping strategy..to help the individual cope with the extreme emotional pain they are experiencing. Not all of us are  adept at taking what life throws at us with a pinch of salt. Especially the people who have gone through some sort of troubled childhood.. long bouts of loneliness..trouble with friends or family..have low self-worth..or those who are extremely sensitive as well as introverted and do not know how to express or deal with the turbulent  emotions they are experiencing.. are more likely to do it . The physical pain just helps them distract their mind from the emotional pain they are experiencing. It numbs their mind so that they don’t have to constructively deal with their emotional turbulence.

why....? here's why..

Self injury seems to be a very common phenomenon which is more prevalent among the girls than boys [ the ratio of boy to girl being 2:5 ] as they are more prone to internalizing their negative emotions. The most common ways to do it are cutting, burning or bruising oneself…picking at wounds…and also resorting to drastic activities like reckless driving or promisciousness. And every one of such 10 cases of self injury may lead to suicidal attempts.

the weapon...which inflicts as well as takes away pain..

The social stigma that is attached to this practice makes the victims less inclined to come out in the open and talk about it. People at times regard it as an attention seeking technique when in reality it is mostly done in secret and the one inflicting such injuries on themselves go to any length to hide their scars and other such marks.  Most of the time, all they really need is some sort of a support system to help them get out of this mess. Talking about it  is the first step towards self recovery. But we need to keep an open mind in order to help them come out in the open without fearing extreme judgement.Whoever likes to go on harming themselves!! It is essentially a cry for help.. which most of us fail to read or worse, misinterpret.

But, there is this thing i got to know…self injury can become addictive too!! During such acts.. endorphins are released which numb out the emotional pain and spread a relief  kind of a feeling . Also, at times such acts provide them with a sense of ” being in control” of what can happen to them namely the beginning and ending of pain which can become equally liberating to them. It is no doubt a complex state of mind.. not very easy to understand but it is recoverable. It has been found that with change in lifestyle.. or say job and family conditions.. many people come out of such tendencies. When their sense of self-worth is re-established and they have a good future to look forward to .. such negative urges automatically make less appearances. They gradually become more able regarding coping with painful emotions and ultimately don’t feel the urge to resort to such acts. It is generally prevalent in the age bracket 12-25.. and with some help, care and support most come out of such tendencies. Just like any habit, it needs the will to come out of it along with a support system which can keep them motivated and assured.  The road to recovery is a NO DOUBT  a long one and it’ll need patience, will power and lots of understanding and selfless loving…but for helping an individual  to be  the person they want to be.. and get the  happy fulfilling life they long for .. this much effort  is indeed worth it. 🙂

Now that i have a  clearer concept of what self-injury is essentially about, i’m feeling a lot more confident regarding helping my loved one deal with it. It is not a character flaw or mental illness.. it is just a coping strategy of an individual unable  to express his/her pain. One needs  to be very patient and non-judgemental when dealing with such cases as the individual is already troubled enough. For my part, i am confident that i’ll be able to bring my friend out of that habit of getting into a “black hole”  into the brightness of  self worth and a good life. My friend deserves it..deserves to be at peace..be happy and love life with all its little quirks.. and i’ll make sure i help them get it. Nothing could mean more to me than this… 🙂

you are not alone....never again...

Hee Hawww!!! Looks like i’ll soon be getting my 1st job!

Guess what?? Remember that article I posted yesterday?? Yeah yeah that babies crying one… it got accepted and I’ve been offered the post of the article writer [ part time] ! 🙂 I still can’t believe I actually managed to get some work!! I’ll be emailing them soon! And right now I’m on the top of the world!!!! 🙂

It’ll take a lot of hard work.. and mental pressure.. still I’ll be doing something concrete… and it will also provide me with some valuable experience..the type i can mention on my resume later! the pay in not much..5k per month.. still I’ll be earning out of my hardwork…that too being just a fresher!  I feel REAL GOOD! 🙂

A great yesterday… and a ‘yet to unfold’ today…

I’m going to write particularly about yesterday as the present day is not really showing promising signs of being an  eventful one. Went out for lunch with my locality friends..one of them has bagged a job and it was her treat. We lunched at Hatari. The lunch was pretty good.. and the place was decent too. This was the first time i went there.

After lunch, we were strolling near Deshapriya park when it started to rain heavily! We huddled under the roof of Priya Cinema hall and had our ice creams while enjoying the rain..actually 2 of us enjoyed the rain, 2 hated it and one was indifferent. Then after a while we walked back till Gariahat..with our umbrellas perched up..and needless to say , still got wet. On returning we went to Tush’s house and lazed around at her place till 9 p.m…

Last day was truly a great one.. it’s always a pleasure to spend time with your friends.. more so if they are original masterpieces like mine. Was feeling a little feverish at the end of the day…but a good night’s sleep and combiflame took care of it. 🙂

The first thing which i did today on waking up is send that sample article [ “why babies cry and….” check it out under my Random category]  to the firm.. I’m not sure how much chances i have of getting in though. In the mean time i have to write some more articles for applying to the other firms. I just need to get 1 job… and all will be well. At least i won’t be under pressure after my results are out. Eww.. results! The very thought of it spoils my mood big time.

Anyway.. that’s all for now. Lets see how the rest of my day unfolds. I’ll let you know accordingly! 🙂

Kati Patang.

ho hum...

In case you haven’t guessed already… it’s about KITES ..the super hyped movie featuring a greek god and [apparently] a Mexican seductress. Went quite unintentionally for the 1st day 2nd show of kites [ was planning on Iron man 2 basically]…and personally for me..the hype didn’t really match my expectations. It’s about this Indian guy[ Hrithik Roshan] who for money plays along a love and marriage game with this rich girl [ Kangna Ranaut] belonging to a Casino bigshot [ and extremely ruthless, if scorned] family and so does the Mexican girl [ Barbara Mori] by hooking up with the boy of the same family. And yes, as clearly depicted by the trailers they fall for each other..antagonise that family… have themselves chased all over Las Vegas and Mexico … even manage to get married.. and then die…both suicides..primarily the girl, who didn’t have any option then.. for saving the guy …and finally at the end of the movie the guy who was this other “patang” who clearly didn’t approve of the idea of flying about without its counterpart.

For me, the movie lacked a concrete foundation as well as an engaging narration. I found it pretty clumsy.. and it left me with a feeling that something is missing..or that it could have been a lot better. The way it began was okay…but somewhere in between it lost its rhythm.

As far as performances go.. Hrithik has done a good job.. he is looking suave as always..and at ease with himself. Barbara Mori wasn’t too bad either…just her face seemed a little odd in the close-ups. Otherwise she was pretty natural and upbeat. And together, they were looking pretty exotic  for sure with some “sizzling chemistry moments”. The other people namely Kangana Ranaut.. Kabir Bedi had too short roles to mention anything.

I had heard the songs  repeatedly on trailers and the radio.. so there was nothing fresh about them for me… “Zindagi Do pal ki ..” clearly being the one you’d remember well. The visuals were really beautiful…especially the ones in Mexico. Well, as you can see, i‘m fumbling for words which is a sure sign that i didn’t really get much to speak about. :-D

But there was this one part which was really beautiful. At the beginning of the film, two kites were flying together…and in the background it was being said that when we see two kites flying together.. at times we forget that they are two different kites as they entwine like one… but the sad reality is that the longer these kites are together..more is the probability that one will be cut because of the other and they’d move away from each other. Though the narration of the movie wasn’t as fluid as two kites  flying.. but this very sentence was shown pretty well …with Hrithik and Barbara..two individuals so different from each other.. coming together by fate.. flying high in their stupor of love and hope for a future together but their dreams cruelly cut short with Barbara’s death as in one kite being cut because of the other [ Hrithik..as she died for saving him]. I found this very well depicted.. though they could have done much much better. It’s a thumbs down from me for this movie. It’s watchable once..but I’m not sure how much you’d feel like going back for the second time. At least i have no such urge.

A great walk..and some exasperating moments.. by the lake

Went out with one of my best friends  last day.. for a walk around the lake in golpark. Met two more friends there… and walked about the lake till about 9 in the night! The weather was awesome…especially the wind… and it felt real good to hav that little chit chat session out there.. the exasperating bits being my two girl friends were soon joined by their respective  “friend who is a boy” and i was kind of awkwardly left gaping at the lake and the fascinating flora. It’s not like my friends were..errr… too engrossed or something…i did have some great commenting and laughing session..and they were sweet [ and smart] enough to acknowledge my presence there… just that certain stuff are implied…as in after a point of time they’d start getting in the whispering mode and all. And well, because of all that i was missing a certain person too! Anyway, last evening was real good… not for my leg though..it was paining like anything by the time i came back…and rest of the night  I was limping around in my house. Am much better now.. that deep sleep in the night did me real good. Let’s see what plan materializes for today… am more excited about tomorrow morning because i have a movie plan with you-know-who! 😀

Academically [not] yours.. :D

sigh...

Read a fantastic article  today… it was written by this guy who finds going blindly for traditional college degrees worthless because 18 is at times too young to know for sure what you want from life…. story of my life! LOL

Yeah, i know, in India this scenario doesn’t really apply[ the writer doesn’t  hail from our glorious East ] what with every parent and student pining for the highest and most prestigious  [ and not to mention “approved by society and the  neighbourly mr. chatterjees” ] degrees…and if not achieved, invariably resulting in their seeing ” taare zameen par” [ i mean literally… not the movie] .. 😀

The situation is very common in our country…I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard that ” why always doctor ..engineer..CA…allow expression [ or explosion..whichever is relevant]  of mind-body and soul.. let your child have a childhood..pubertyhood..adulthood etc etc..” speech on television..talk shows..movies… And the funny part is this speech will never go out of fashion! You can  say it a century later..and it’ll still find its audience [ namely irritated students and incredulous parents]. I can’t say that it’s every time the parent’s fault..because my parents never forced me into anything..[ untill i did a mini revolt act in 1st year college..and was instantly snubbed] it was mostly due to my lack of judgement regarding my strengths and interest zones…which makes me relate to that article that maybe the teens are indeed too early for some of us to understand what we want from life…and by some of us i mean the ones who are not as academically inclined as required by the Indian standards… as for them it would mean swimming against the flow…which is not an easy thing to do with all the peer pressure ..adolescent ego and parental expectations mounting high… For example, I had always fared well in school…which led me to believe that i was one of those gifted to-be geniuses until i got in my higher secondary level..with an extremely wrong choice of stream. And that’s when i had the first inkling of what i was not meant for..but i brushed that feeling aside because clearly that was not the “proper” line of thought! And that led to my 2nd mistake when i got into college for a commerce degree when commerce was completely opposite to my aptitude zone. I got to know this soon..and wanted to drop the 1st year in order to get into my aptitude zone..and well, that’s where my parents intervened with a well prepared speech on  code of conduct regarding  graduation…and the rest is not too hard to predict. 😉

the days and nights of fruitless slogging..

I don’t blame my parents because they were clearly worried about my future if i drop a year… what I’m saying is that, in the present scenario of education accepting that you are not really the traditional  academically inclined type.. especially during those teens..when its most important to know your strengths and weaknesses..is really hard. Because most of the prestigious [ read – parent cum society approved] degrees are designed around such qualifications…and thinking out of the box during the teens is taken as a ” hormonal thingy”. Of course, nowadays  thinking out of the box is the “in” thing to do.. with so many unique ventures surfacing all over the country…and doing splendidly..but that is still a minority. It is especially so in the middle class zones where the families are more bound by security and society’s approval than their child’s aptitude.

broken free.. at last.. 🙂

Anyway, personally I’m more than glad on having completed my graduation…at last I have broken  free from matching those godforsaken balance sheets! Now i can do whatever i really feel like doing…. without following a “code of conduct”! Sigh…Life is sweet… once again! 🙂

A great adda… after such a long time..

just back from mayurakshi’s place.. had an awesome time!! we met after so many months and had so much to talk about..so much catching up to do… We talked about everything and anything [ literally].. and laughed like crazy.. not to mention the food! aunty is da best! 🙂

Witnessing a sunset— LIVE! :)

I’m sitting on my terrace..facing one of the most beautiful sunsets ever… The cool wind is caressing my skin.. and blowing the locks of my hair away from my face as i write this… I have always loved this view from my terrace. The wide, green open field..a bunch of guys playing football and screaming and hooting at each other at regular intervals…the cluster of birds flying toward their nest…and after the sun sets,the pinkish glow that remains in its place till the darkness gradually sets in.. it’s all so beautiful.I could sit and keep looking at it for hours together. 🙂 I don’t know why it affects me the way it does.. but i feel very serene..and somehow very hopeful and confident. No doubt this was always my very first hideout every time I flunked in maths 😉 Today the wind is exceptionally nice… i can see the distant trees swaying to its rhythm..actually the branches are swaying obviously.. 🙂 Oh, and how can i not mention the pond..the wind today is creating gentle ripples in the water and the pinkish sky is being reflected in it.. you have to see it to truly get its beauty. All of this is so…poetic! Poems are not really my kind of thing..or else  i could have created a few masterpieces here and now! 🙂

The light is gradually fading away…and the sky has turned into a  shade of greyish purple… not long before darkness will engulf this magical evening.. well, I guess i should stop.. my eyes don’t really seem happy about the extra pressure inflicted on them in this darkness.. 🙂

Spent almost 1 hour reading up about aquarius men.. 😉 my head has been up in knots for the past few days regarding the famous “disappearing acts” of a particular aqua guy.. got much valuable insight today.. I had been considering in giving him a taste of his own medicine by going incognito… but from what i read, this would only lead to intensifying his appreciation towards me! LOL. so long for my scorpy “tit for tat ” plans.. 😀 So. right now the best thing to do is sit back and wait for the moron to come around…  such a classic “yay me & my precious independence” schmuck ! 😛

Hmmm… its a beautiful day out here… the sun is not too harsh.. and mercifully wind is blowing…that too cool wind..  think i’ll make some good plans today…  staying at home in such a weather would be an offence to mankind.. 🙂 This week is going to be a busy one..loads of going outs and treats pending! And that is something which fills me with relief… i’d do anything just to keep my hands and mind busy!! And i’m planning to read some good books this week.. i have made out a list… will go to the library soon. As for now, i’ll go do some blog reading… 🙂

Take 1

well.. here goes.. my very first blog.. i’m still pretty unsure as to what i should scribble in here…. i guess i’ll learn “on the job” 🙂  right now i’m not-so-enjoying my post examination holidays… sittin idle is something i can’t cope up with… last day i had walked about like a maniac and as a consequence my freshly repaired [ and joined] tibia is givin me one of those bittersweet nostalgic [ and excruciating] aches… it has been around 9 months since the day of my fracture.. and my leg is still giving me airs… sigh..

Umm.. can’t think of anything else to write… actually i can.. but i’m not sure if all of them will be relevant enough…. 🙂  Right. So i guess that is it… will continue tomorrow… At least i started it off after months of indecision..  Heres to my journey from blog-errrr.. to blogger… 🙂  catch you later!