Hey, guess what? The proxy ma’m has sent me a message on FB regarding certain information…I’m curious as to what exactly is cooking… got to ask him. Can’t wait to get some juicy tidbit. Life has been pretty bland since the past few days. will keep you updated!

Thunderstorms are beautiful. I love the part when the thunderstorms are just about to begin..the gradual darkening of the skies…strong winds and sudden bolts of lightening. It all builds up the anticipation. And power outage is the best way of enjoying thunderstorms… the comfortable darkness around leaves little room for distraction and i can surround myself with the stormy beauty of nature..and the beautiful music created by the lashing rain and thunders. the storm outside somehow calms me down inside..[thunderstorms are my 2nd best surrounding for taking life decisions..the first being the shower].

Okay, enough of poetic stuff. Let's get down to the nitty gritties Power out is equal to no romantic movies with the storm as a background..no instant Facebook updates about the "largest bolt of lightening seen in my life"..no chance of reading a book [ candles don't really work for me courtesy my highly myopic eyes] and high likelihood of finding every little and rugged piece of furniture in the room with your shins. So keeping all these in mind, i settle myself on my bed..with my iPod..my cell phone and a pack of chips. That way i have the option of listening to music and soulfully staring out of my window…and once i get bored and distracted of it, i can start munching on the chips and call up my closest buddy and chit chat about anything and everything..including the splendid weather. For an ambivert like me..it's a total win-win situation!

it is simply one of the most beautiful..human stories i have ever witnessed… and it revolves around the priceless yet the most taken for granted relation in our life- friendship. For once, friendship wasn't idealized…it wasn't perfect..it was simply real. it showed that friends don't always give lives for each other..they are human enough to be selfish…to be weak..to be afraid..to repent…yet that loving feeling never dies…it stays..and a good deed done comes back to you…in some form or the other. it gave me a whole new meaning of courage…and i'd like to quote a favorite line of mine from a movie- "courage is not the absence of fear..but the realization that something is much more important than fear." It is not easy to look at your weakness in the face..and find the courage to do the right thing..and the protagonist learns to do just that. He learns it from his best friend..whom he had always taken for granted…and who sacrificed himself for him in unmatched ways. It taught me, there is much more to life than cozying up in your world and shutting out what you are too coward to face….at the end of the day, it's your conscience which needs to be at peace.

I have this theory proven right by multiple real life encounters. Bad things never come alone. They are always accompanied by something worse..just so they can bug you to the fullest. In school, maths was one of those rotten things which made me physically sick; yet i had to keep on tolerating it. And with it came one of the  weirdest creations on Earth…my 9th grade maths teacher. Till date i have no idea as to what she used to say in that class! First, she had this habit of carrying her books over her one shoulder as if they were some kind of trash bags [ though figuratively they were indeed so]. Second, she had this funny accent which made it seem that words are desperately trying to escape from her mouth and she was persistently trying to grab them thereby creating a slurry lecture. Third, in the middle of her explaining a geometry sum..she’ll get confused as to what she was saying…scratch her chin for an eternity…and then dictate the solution from the answer book! Fourth, you cannot even dare to go to her with doubts for two precise reasons: you will still not understand what she just explained to you and she used stink like…………. UGH..NEVER MIND. I ended up drawing a substantial amount of floras and faunas in my maths copy in those classes. As for my math grades…ahem, we’ll leave it to that.

Oh, and i have to mention this other teacher..or this entry will be incomplete. It was our “dance teacher”..who always made me want to smack him right around his lecherous face. His atrocious dance moves and speeches haunt me till date! He was without doubt one of the the most despised figures i have ever come across. For my part, I never really considered him completely male..you know stuck somewhere in the middle..not sure which way to go. LOL. And i’m pretty sure most of my school time peers will agree with that.

i love this quote because it completely suits my usual way of dealing with things. brilliance being a limited supply thing..and bullshit being so effective with the people around you almost 9 out of 10 times…no wonder this quote serves the purpose of all and sundry.

Blueberry Cheesecake

i have an extremely violent sweet tooth…..which cuts through anything sweet when complemented with an equally stormy emotional state. so ice-creams [ butter-scotch, particularly],chocolate cakes filled with liquid chocolate filling are usually my primary victims when i need some cushion for my heart and mind.

but the one which wins hand down during the extreme times is blueberry cheesecake. the reason? it's sinful, absolutely delicious..and distracts me for quite sometime by keeping me busy licking that spoon and thinking stuff that makes the world seem a lot…mmmmmm..do i need to give a word 4 dat?..

Melodramatic sob stories. :-p don't get me wrong. i'm not an insensitive *****. just that, when people take their minor [read downright silly] incidents..coat it in imaginary spices and stir fry my patience with it….my eyes go for an involuntary roll. add to it a healthy dose of sniffing..tissues and the classic defenseless look- i'm out! i always prefer to have such sessions on phone- that way, the person on the other side can sob to their heart's content and i can roll my eyes without the danger of coming across as "heartless".!

hardly anything keeps me up at night. my sleeping prowess is the stuff of legends. but yes…i'm a sucker for romance movies..the kind which plants a big dopey smile on your face..and makes you SIGH. so, if there is a such a movie on T.V.. NOTHING can stir me from the couch. especially because,the night time slot is very convenient for me. I can keep on smiling silly without being interrupted with sarcastic snorts from my other family members…

back in time....back in life..

Two decades back, they were two bright young girls, still in college maybe, dreaming to be a graduate and working and being independent. In the quaint little towns of Bangladesh, in those male dominated quarters, that too in the 20th century, these very thoughts were ambitious enough. I could imagine them walking into the premises of their colleges..head held high, their dupatta properly pinned and books clutched tight to their chest. Maybe during one of the particularly boring lectures they looked out of their windows into the distant sky…let their mind wander lazily over the shape of the clouds. Maybe they used to sit huddled in a group..with all the girls giggling over the latest movie or gossiping about a teacher. Maybe the day their best friend stopped coming to college because her marriage has been fixed, they sat alone on the steps looking at the lonesome yet fully blossomed krishnachura tree at a distance, and soon tears of bittersweet memories had blurred their vision into streaks of green and red.

the words...that remained buried..

Maybe they had secretly cut their long lustrous hair in order to copy the emerging stylish starlet and were rebuked by their mothers and grandmothers. Maybe they used to suddenly, without any reason, hug their mothers while they worked in the kitchen and were  affectionately patted on their cheek. Maybe they used to keep a diary too where they had written about that boy in the neighborhood who regularly glances their way sending their heart to flutters. They were not allowed to fall in love. But their heart was free to weave wishful thoughts…like the ones seen in movies…to hum a romantic tune on a cloudy day..to compose ardent poems for their heart’s desire and read them lovingly every night in the privacy of their rooms.

What had happened when they were informed of their impending marriage? When the long known yet self denied truth was all of a sudden there to engulf them in a future where they  will be taken for granted in every step of their life. Where their existence as a woman will be lost in the mesh of being a daughter in law..wife  and mother.

eyes said it all..while the lips remained numb...

Did they lie awake all night and shed silent tears? Did they stand in front of their window on a windy evening..and after one last look at those loving poems..tear those pages up and throw them away? Did they run their hand, softly, one last time over the books and copies and felt a heart crushing sigh escape? Maybe they did. Inspite of all these, maybe they were in some way or the other prepared to lose their individuality for the sake of their immediate and future family. This could be the reason for the resigned look in their eyes…maybe they had it all along. Yet, such great sacrifices. Such unbelievable strength. In that mere 20 year age…they had traveled so far ahead..they had grown so much.

the wife..the mother...the WOMAN..an epitome of strength..

I wonder, if I have half the strength of making such sacrifices as they had when they were of my age. Maybe not. Because I’ve not gone through what they have. I’m lucky to have born at a time and place which has allowed me to love and stand for myself. I have every inch of the pride, aggressive self-respect and determination of making dreams a reality that every woman of my time has. But on the other hand, we do lack the quiet strength..the ability to compromise to unbelievable extent..the courage of self-sacrifice.. which  our mothers or aunts have..the ability which has kept so many families anchored.

I got up from where i was sitting..and gave each of the ladies a sudden big tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

once a woman..always a girl..

As i walked out of the room..the affectionate quip..” pagli meye ekta…kobe je boro hobe”…followed me. I looked out at the red sunset outside…the birds flying and the swaying trees…my eyes moistened and I smiled.

A sudden gagging noise broke my trance. I looked around and found my aunt with her head out of the window, vomiting like there was no tomorrow. I rolled my eyes and once more looked out of the window. this is the 3rd time in the past 1 hour when my aunt’s puking instincts have refused to co-operate with her. our driver, evidently used to such scenes in these hilly terrains, kept on driving nonchalantly. once again, as i felt the rush of cold wind caressing my face, I was transported to some other world. I was on my first visit to the sikkim-Gangtok areas and today we were on our way to the famed “zero point”.

I have this habit of looking down at the  curvy, serpentine roads in the lower altitudes which our Tata sumo has already covered. there is something about looking back at these areas left behind… it somehow makes me feel strangely nostalgic and I end up relating it with the numerous milestones we all cover in our lives as we move ahead. it is almost like looking at yourself …running around with scratched knees and elbows…fighting with your siblings.. failing in the maths paper for the first time and hiding behind the door when mother discovers the copy…looking up at the scorching sun while licking the ice-lollies with content… eyeing that cute neighbor of yours from the little spaces of your window curtains…covering up for a friend when her parents call…running to the terrace at the first hint of monsoon winds and dancing in the first rain…that first forbidden sip and alcohol and making a face at its taste…the awkwardness that follows the first kiss…it all comes flashing in front of our eyes. and along with it comes an unexplainable feeling of sadness… the heart is filled with a bittersweet longing that makes you want to relive those moments…while the mind silently reasons that it will never be a reality. looking out at the lush greenery of the hills…sniffing the pure  air..and listening to the faint music playing in our Sumo’s sterio..I decided to listen just to my heart today.

I noticed the gradual change of terrain. the lush greenery had made a way for the rocky, brown look with little specks of snow on the road-sides. I knew we were nearer to our destination. and soon enough, the snow-covered peaks came into our view. the rays of the sun were rendering a pinkish-purplish glow to it. those peaks stood high…strong, magical and somewhat intimidating. gradually, our Sumo came to a halt and i literally jumped out of it.

For the next few moments, all I could do was stand and stare at the beauty around me. there were never-ending expanses of land covered with white snow. it was not the lively greenery the hills are usually associated with. but, even the lack of greenery didn’t make it seem cold and detached. somehow, it was very inviting. I always used to find the hills filled with exquisite beauty…but aloof. you can see the beauty, but not touch it. and that somehow made me unable to connect with it on a deeper level. but today it was different. as I inched my steps towards the snow..I knew I could touch and feel it..and that feeling was unbeatable. I went there and stood for a while..and looked around me. and suddenly, those childhood days when I used to take the crushed ice from our freezer and rub it to my cheek  came in front of my eyes. smiling, I knelt down, took off my gloves and picked up the snow with my bare hands and rubbed it to my cheek. the tingling sensation almost made me giggle out. i felt the snow for a few moments..but soon enough my hands started freezing and became a little numb, and I had to put on my gloves once again. I stood up, and began walking through the wide expanse of snow.. looking at everything like a wide-eyed child. I ran around with my cousins..took a hell lot of pictures and I had never felt like this before. I couldn’t recognize the childlike enthusiasm which was surging up in my heart…I never thought my childhood will re-visit me like this.

Soon, we were on our way back. everyone was laughing and sharing their stories. i turned around and took one last look at the snow. and as the Sumo drove on, i opened my palms and rubbed the small mass of snow i had clutched in my palm to my cheeks…and looked out of the window…with a hint of content adorning my smile.